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The Abe Vigoda Canadian Thanksgiving Spectacular Megathread

Professor Rape

You're not stupid. You're not an idiot.
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My dad was always a distant and somewhat cold man but we would always watch the Tom Green Show. It made us both laugh so hard. My brother was excluded cuz he's a prude.
I can't watch Freddy Got Fingered. It gives me PTSD from me and my father's relationship when I was growing up.



Every day he'd come home and I was doing something fucking retarded and he'd kick my ass and tell me to get a job.
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Hey, Santa: I rape trespassers
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123,597
My dad was always a distant and somewhat cold man but we would always watch the Tom Green Show. It made us both laugh so hard. My brother was excluded cuz he's a prude.
My dad also loved the Tom Green Show. I remember the first time I saw the "Take a flying FUCK" guy I laughed so hard I got the hiccups and puked and my dad couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard.
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Hey, Santa: I rape trespassers
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123,597
My dad also loved the Tom Green Show. I remember the first time I saw the "Take a flying FUCK" guy I laughed so hard I got the hiccups and puked and my dad couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard.
Fuck sakes, I'm dying just thinking about it. All he said was "where are you going?" And the guy fucking spazzed out and attacked him lol.
 

Turk February

Our experiences exceed yours.
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56,012
I can't watch Freddy Got Fingered. It gives me PTSD from me and my father's relationship when I was growing up.



Every day he'd come home and I was doing something fucking retarded and he'd kick my ass and tell me to get a job.

I think no one understands how brilliant this movie was. Every fucking weirdness is like 3 layers of comedy. And when it's not it's intentional. Tom Green at his peak was a genius.
 

Professor Rape

You're not stupid. You're not an idiot.
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16,903
I really was a shit fucking loser of a kid. My dad was right. He came home one time when I was 19 and I was wearing a blindfold because I wanted to see how long I could go without seeing. He ripped it off me and called me a retard and asked how many jobs I had applied to that day, and I said none and he got even more mad.
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Hey, Santa: I rape trespassers
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123,597
I really was a shit fucking loser of a kid. My dad was right. He came home one time when I was 19 and I was wearing a blindfold because I wanted to see how long I could go without seeing. He ripped it off me and called me a retard and asked how many jobs I had applied to that day, and I said none and he got even more mad.
My dad would've been extremely amused by that and probably trick me into hurting myself but I imagine that would annoy the shit out of me if I were your dad. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
 

Professor Rape

You're not stupid. You're not an idiot.
Forum Clout
16,903
My dad would've been extremely amused by that and probably trick me into hurting myself but I imagine that would annoy the shit out of me if I were your dad. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
It's the fact that I was out of school without a job. He'd come home from work and see his son acting like a fucking retard. I painted my face one day but forgot to wash it off because he came home and I was like "oh shitttt" when I heard the front door close. He got mad yet again, asked why it was painted, and I had no reason. I just did it coz............? I found some paint lol.
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Hey, Santa: I rape trespassers
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123,597
You know that plastic wrap they wrap pallets with that's like industrial saran wrap? I told my dad I thought I could bust out of that shit so he wrapped my arms up and left for like 5 hours and when he got back I was still struggling to get out of it and made no progress.
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Hey, Santa: I rape trespassers
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123,597
It's the fact that I was out of school without a job. He'd come home from work and see his son acting like a fucking retard. I painted my face one day but forgot to wash it off because he came home and I was like "oh shitttt" when I heard the front door close. He got mad yet again, asked why it was painted, and I had no reason. I just did it coz............? I found some paint lol.
My parents were all in with me being as weird as I wanted as long as it wasn't faggy. I have a tiny clown bicycle that I used to ride around the house all the time. I'd be like 16 with a black eye zipping around on that thing like a retard and my parents would be like "mornin' Abe."
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Hey, Santa: I rape trespassers
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123,597
I just remembered I used to paint my face all the time when I was a kid. Like Fez. I'd just randomly do it because I had this big face paint kit and I'd go out and play or do my chores like that. I've always been pretty weird to the point that when my family sees me doing something weird like that they don't even mention it. Like my uncle would come up to the hay loft and I'd be in there hanging upside down with a beard painted on my face and he'd be startled and then just be like "how's it going, Abe?" "Good. I'm danglin'."
 

Turk February

Our experiences exceed yours.
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56,012
I just remembered I used to paint my face all the time when I was a kid. Like Fez. I'd just randomly do it because I had this big face paint kit and I'd go out and play or do my chores like that. I've always been pretty weird to the point that when my family sees me doing something weird like that they don't even mention it. Like my uncle would come up to the hay loft and I'd be in there hanging upside down with a beard painted on my face and he'd be startled and then just be like "how's it going, Abe?" "Good. I'm danglin'."
You did this as a child. As a 30 year old I'd go through 2 packs of face paints a year.
 

Turk February

Our experiences exceed yours.
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56,012
When I was a kindergarten teacher I'd have a gym class and do a kind of hide and seek game and promise the kid who is "it" I'd make them into a scary monster then just draw a cat face on their face. It was fun.
 

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Hey, Santa: I rape trespassers
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123,597
I was also convinced that an evil kangaroo was stalking me. I honestly wonder if aliens look like kangaroos or something because I'd apparently flip out and scream for my parents and then tell them that the kangaroo was in my room again and it was scaring me.
 
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